Observing Tish'a B'av as a Meditation: Grief Beneath the Grievance

When we think of our most meaningful religious experiences Tish'a B'Av is not usually the first to come to mind, falling as it does in middle of summer vacation, outside the calendar of Jewish Day School and Hebrew School. Our commemoration of this holiday at TBZ on July 23 dramatically changed that perception, as we sat together to experience the "broken-openness" that comes with the acceptance of grief.

Dr. Minna Bromberg, rabbinic student at Hebrew College and teacher at Nishmat Hayyim, began to prepare us for the holiday when she led our TBZ service earlier in July, on the first Shabbat of the three week period during which we read the Haftorot of Admonition. This marks the time when we enter a period of mourning for the destruction of the First and Second Temples as well as for other periods of "brokenness" in Jewish and Biblical history. She guided us with the words of her teacher, Rabbi Jonathan Omer-Man, who advises us to "get beneath the grievance to the grief" as we make contact with our personal and shared sense of loss.

The following Monday night, the Nishmat Hayyim meditation group made use of this teaching during the meditation and in the discussion after, to guide our attention to direct experiencing of feelings of grief, anger, or any other emotions that arose during the sit, rather than to retelling the story of what happened, planning a response, or judging how well or poorly we were doing. As Erev Tish'a B'av fell on a Monday night, it coincided with our weekly Nishmat Hayyim meditation at TBZ. Several of us arrived prior to the service to sit together in silence for 45 minutes. After the silence, Minna Bromberg and Ronnie Levine chanted three of the chapters of Eicha (Lamentations) in Hebrew, while the rest of us took turns reading the alternate chapters in English.

Reb Minna then opened the discussion by introducing the holiday's theme of brokenness as an opportunity for feeling "broken open" through experiencing the grief that is "beneath the grievance." As individual participants offered their thoughts, listened to each other, and responded, the following ideas emerged and developed.

At this point in the Jewish calendar a time of grieving arrives, regardless of whether we, as individuals, have a reason in our lives to feel happy or sad. This same cycle of sadness and joy occurs in our own lives, as we experience times of sadness or joy which are not clearly related to current life circumstances. When we do allow ourselves to feel sadness, the experience of grief can be transforming. The grief we feared and guarded against is often less painful than we anticipated, as long as we face it without the often added layers of self-reproach, blame, or pessimistic certainty about the future. Accepting the experience of grief can bring us to a new place in our lives of starting over with a different perspective. However, if we cannot move through the grievance to the grief, we may find ourselves mired in anger, fear, and rumination.

The narrative of the Torah follows a similar pattern of expansion and contraction, as Abraham is first promised a multitude of heirs, and then finds himself commanded to kill the only offspring of his marriage to Sarah. Similarly, Jacob's life and that of his family are marked by expansion and contraction, and the life of Moses alternates between great success and searing defeat.

Participants brought up personal examples of grieving for loved ones, as well as shared experiences of destruction and rebuilding in Israel today. We acknowledged that this one day of mourning may address particular examples of Jewish loss, but is inadequate to address the overwhelming suffering that continues in our world today. This leads some of us to a mission of finding ways to address this suffering, as we are encouraged to do by inspiring leaders like Thich Nhat Hanh.

It is difficult to communicate in words the shared experience of "broken-openness" that filled our TBZ sanctuary on Erev Tish'a B'av. It was an experience that evolved out of the thoughtful teachings of Minna Bromberg, the sharing of silence and discussion at Nishmat Hayyim, the beautiful chanting of Eicha, and the atmosphere of careful listening and responding among all who attended. At Nishmat Hayyim, we often discuss the question, "What is Jewish Meditation?"Jewish meditation has many forms, including practices from within Jewish tradition as well as wisdom practices shared by other traditions which heighten our awareness of what our scriptures, prayers and rituals have to reveal. Our commemoration of Tish'a B'av was enriched by meditating together in the sanctuary that night, and the weeks before, with openness to feelings of anger, loss and grief, as the Jewish calendar guided us through the cycle of admonition and destruction, and into the weeks of "consolation." May our experience of "broken-openness" prepare us to accept the teachings of comfort that follow as we approach the Days of Awe.